SANOPD - Some Last Minute Changes
Hiya pals. It’s been a long time since I last wrote!
Big trigger warning in this one for pregnancy loss, so if that’s not something you’re able to read about today, I totally understand.
I’m writing to let you know of a couple of changes that will be taking place around the SANOPD launch in a couple of weeks.
As some people know, at the start of June I made SANOPD available for arc requests. Two days later I lost a very wanted second pregnancy over the course of some of the most gruelling and traumatic days of my life.
SANOPD is not about that miscarriage. It shouldn’t have any connection to what happened to me. Unfortunately, because I have spent the time that I needed to spend healing working on the book instead, the two have become inextricably linked.
I am extremely proud of SANOPD. I think, for the people who need it, it’s a really special book. But I’m at the point where I can’t even think of it without feeling extremely anxious and sad.
SANOPD was never meant to be a big book. To be honest, I never expected that anyone other than my mom and a few friends would want to read it. However, it got a lot more attention than I expected this summer and suddenly (while still an enormously small book!) I’m facing the prospect of something that represents something really awful in my life being far more widespread than I expected. And I just don’t know how to deal with that right now.
If I were traditionally published, as I still hope to be, I would just have to cope with this. And I would, to be clear!
But it’s occured to me lately that the advantage of not being where I’d hoped to be - yet - in my career, is that I don’t have to put my mental health on the line when I’m not ready to.
So, instead of being available from all retailers, my book will be on sale via my website (which ships internationally), a few days each month. This means I can honour my release date but also give myself more time to heal and process, before I have to cope with anything larger. It also means that if I have any setbacks - healing so far has been unpredictable! - I don’t have to deal with the book that month!
(It also means I no longer have to deal with either Amaz*n or Ingram, which is a huge bonus).
I’m so grateful that, because this is a small passion project, I get to make this decision. And honestly it feels quite right too - that something that really, was only ever meant to be for me, gets to happen in the way that works best for my peace of mind.
One day, I hope, I’ll get to have a big book out that I get to see everywhere. For now, what with everything that’s happened, this feels just as sweet.